.Toad Has NO Respect For MGTOW
Before I begin, understand that I can cite the stories and statistics better than the MGTOW proponents. In fact, it’s reasonable to say that I know more about the legal system in terms of divorce, child support and domestic violence than most of the MGTOW. And I understand what women are really like.
However, I don’t agree with MGTOW on both the definition and the solution to the problem.
First and foremost, marriage is a requirement for men because God said so. And the MGTOW might say he doesn’t believe in God. It is written: “The fool has said in his heart, there is no God.” The idiot acknowledges that there is a God and then chooses to violate His commands. I’m not here to talk to fools or idiots so don’t bother.
God created female hypergamy and it was part of His judgement of Adam and Eve that was detailed in Genesis 3:16. Deal with it. Because of female hypergamy, the judgement “he shall rule over you” becomes a backhanded requirement for men: If you want a woman to desire you… become fit to rule over her.
God created marriage and according to God’s plan the marriage begins when the virgin is penetrated in the act of sexual intercourse. That is a ceremony known as the act of marriage. If a man is joined to a woman and he is the man who got her virginity, they are actually married.
The Cargo Cult of the MGTOW
The MGTOW beliefs about marriage and divorce are analogous to the beliefs of cargo cults. They look back to previous generations when planes came from the sky with good things for everyone and believe the reason the planes don’t return is because they don’t have the airport correctly prepared. So they clear the strip and build a control tower and make things out of sticks that look just like the radios… in the belief that their efforts will cause the airplanes to come back to them again.
The MGTOW look at generations past when men were able to get married and stay married without being ground up by family court and believe all it will take is a reform of the laws such that men might have decent marriages again because women wouldn’t be able to abuse an already unfair system. Yet, since it is impossible to change the laws they oppose the idea of men getting married because the system is “too unfair” and a “bad deal” for men.
Due to their ignorance the cargo cults are unable to comprehend the war that caused the planes to come and later for the planes to leave. The only data they have is the observations of the airport and the logical conclusions they draw from that. In the same way, due to having been lied to all their lives, the MGTOW have a completely false view on the subjects of gender equality, the nature of marriage and how a marriage begins. The only data they have is drawn from a paradigm that rejects God or does not accept the truth of His word and is therefore faulty.
God takes a hand in the life of a nation and He blesses those who obey Him and punishes those who do not. God also takes a hand in the life of a family as it grows and matures. If the family is founded on betrayal and adultery, problems are to be expected. If the woman is committing adultery with the man she is with, why would it be a surprise when she commits adultery with any other man? Or decides to end the “marriage” in order to pursue other men?
The Real Issues With Marriage
Even the MGTOW acknowledge that if a man wants the best odds for a successful marriage that does not end in divorce, he should marry a virgin. This raises an important question:
Is the success of the marriage because one marries a virgin, or is it because the man is not committing adultery by taking another man’s wife?
The real rate of divorce for individuals who are actually married is around 5%. If the man is joined to a woman and he didn’t get her virginity, it’s almost a certainty that he is joined to an adulteress and the rate of divorce for such unions starts at almost 30% and goes up from there depending on how much adultery she’s dabbled in.
Considering the 5% divorce rate compared to adulterous unions that begin with about a 30% rate of destruction… a rate that increases from there depending on how many adulterous partners the woman has had, it seems reasonable to say the basic penalty for adultery committed in ignorance is a 25% destruction rate. The more adultery the woman has committed the higher the likelihood of the ultimate adulterous union breaking up in what we call divorce. However, that’s just the negative side of the scale.
When a man marries a virgin, with that act God joins the two with a spiritual bonding known as the “one flesh” bond of marriage. The Bible does not tell us anything about this bonding other than it is a great mystery. What is the value of this spiritual bond in keeping the marriage together? We do not know, but God must have had a reason and since He created women it is logical the spiritual bond is important.
In Matthew 19, Jesus said “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.” That indicates (obviously) God has joined the two with a spiritual bond, but it also indicates that it is possible to separate them afterward. What is the result of separating them? The answer is broken women.
Is The Destruction Of An Adulterous Union A Good Thing?
The key to this question has to be the issue of willing culpability. The girl is married in ignorance due to the lies of the churchian tradition and their refusal to tell the truth. The churchians will stand up and say “They knew premarital sex was a sin!” and even in that statement they are lying. The lie is the fact that unless a man and woman are engaged there can be no premarital sex. What the virgin girl is doing is getting married. After that she’s committing adultery with every other man.
When the men and women decide to marry, they do so in the ignorant belief that it is a commitment ceremony in front of witnesses that makes them married. Because that’s what the lying churchians have taught and society believes. Yet, in ignorance they set out on this path, building their house on the sand of betrayal and adultery. When the storms come (and they always do) the houses are torn apart and the children are especially damaged by this.
So, should we stand up and cheer as each ignorantly adulterous union is destroyed in family court with great suffering all around? No. There are solutions to the problem of these adulterous unions that can set things aright. The problem is getting the people to recognize the problem and then take the steps to solve it.
Just as one cannot force the red pill down a man’s throat when he is thoroughly blue-pilled, the majority of so-called “married” people refuse to believe they aren’t actually married, much less that solutions exist to solve the problem they refuse to recognize. (I will deal with this issue in a future post) However, for those who are not married (Hi MGTOW!), there are solutions to the problems you people never knew existed. It starts with a simple point: don’t have a wedding with a woman who is already married, you must ensure the woman is eligible to marry before you can be married.
Can an eligible non-virgin be married to a man and still get that “one-flesh” bonding from God? Scripture does not say one way or another but from what little we know, the answer is probably no. Which means the man who marries a virgin has an advantage over the man who marries an eligible non-virgin. Neither have done anything wrong but the man who takes a virgin bride gains the spiritual bonding from God, while the man who marries the eligible non-virgin is getting a woman who had her bond to another man broken. Yet, in both cases they could expect God to bless their marriage if they continue in faith and obedience.
The man who takes another man’s wife and calls it marriage because they had a wedding ceremony and took vows is still committing adultery. He is not married to the woman he believes is his wife because she was already a married woman. This couple cannot expect God to bless their union because God is not mocked and whatever you sow you shall also reap. Even if the adultery was done in ignorance.
Modern Men Are Not Fit To Rule
Yes, it’s the 21st Century and the entire system is broken because this isn’t just the women. Marriage and family are under attack from all sides by everyone in the game. God removed His restraining hand and gave people over to impurity, degrading passions and depraved minds.
Let’s say a man finds a banged up slut he’s attracted to and she’s highly attracted to him. He does what he needs to do to ensure she’s eligible to marry and then marries her. There will still be problems because of her past experiences and his present condition but they are not in sin. The MGTOW look at the landscape without understanding and due to their inability to comprehend the real problems, they reject marriage out of fear and lack of faith. All they talk about is how horrible marriage is but what comes through is fear.
I hear this sort of thing and I think of Proverbs 22:13.
The sluggard says, “There is a lion outside;
I will be killed in the streets!”
Notice that it says “sluggard” and not “coward” in that verse. Yet, the thought of being slain by a lion should induce fear so we should expect to hear that from the coward. Why, then, is it the sluggard (the lazy man) who says that? Because he is trying to shift the attention away from his laziness over to the fear of the lion. The fear of what may happen if he took the action he does not desire to take.
The vast majority of MGTOW are not fit to rule over preschoolers, much less an adult woman. What kind of men are they? Men who had the masculinity stomped out of them, were taught lies about men and women being equal, the men who were taught to “just be yourself.” The truth is that men who refuse to recognize reality and change accordingly are operating at the level of stupidity characterized by bringing a knife to a gunfight.
No, it’s not your great-grampa’s world any longer and that means you adapt or die. Of course, if you’re happy fapping to porn while congratulating yourself on how wise you are for avoiding women, see my comments about fools and idiots.
I disagree completely with the MGTOW as to what the problems actually are, so we obviously disagree on the solutions. What follows are the real solutions, but they only work if the woman is actually eligible to marry. Meaning, if she’s already married the man must ensure she is no longer married. Scripture provides several ways to deal with this, but in some cases the woman is married and that can’t be changed. The man’s only rational response in that case is Next!
Adapt Or Die
You must change your body, your mind and your habits. Start with your body. Hit the gym, grow some muscles (which increases your testosterone) and lose the fat. We are talking about an environment in which, according to the Centers for Disease Control, 37.9 percent of adults over 20 are obese and another 32.8% are overweight. In other words, a whopping 70.7% of adults over 20 years of age are either obese or overweight. Just being in sufficiently good shape that you’re not overweight or obese puts you in the top 30% in terms of what your body looks like. Get your bodyfat down to around 10% and you will stand out.
Learn how to fight with both your mind and your body. For the body I recommend Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and Muay Thai. Yes, you’ll get punched in the face. You’ll be submitted and put in pain. It’s good for you. One does not learn how to fight in a short period of time regardless of what one sees on the movie screen, it takes years of training. In the same way you must learn to fight with your mind, by which I mean learning Game. Ultimately, Game is learned charisma.
Women want a superior man and you may as well write this on the back of your hand because it’s the truth:
Women do not desire to end a relationship with a man they are highly attracted to.
Be the man that women find highly attractive. For that you must learn Game, be fit and look good, have the self-confidence that comes from knowing you can take care of yourself and have a good career that makes a good income. Here are three posts that you don’t want to read but still need to:
- Five Is Not The Number You Want
- The Christian Hostility To Becoming Attractive
- The Ahem, Other Muscles
By maximizing your potential and attracting a woman who is actually eligible to marry, it is possible to have a reasonably safe marriage. Still, that doesn’t get rid of the problem of what women could do to you. Given their history there may very well be problems because we live in an environment today that places temptations on women they should not have to face.
Maybe some of you are fit to rule and women find you highly attractive, but you look at the situation and decide it’s just too risky because marriage is a really bad deal nowadays. Ok, the game is rigged. MGTOW see this as a binary choice of play by women’s rules or choose to opt out, but there is another game where you get to use God’s rules.
The problem begins with defining marriage as monogamy. The problems in monogamous marriage come from the fact that rigid monogamy is a monopoly for women and even if you marry a virgin there will be problems given the environment she is subjected to. At the beginning of a relationship part of the woman’s attraction for the man is the competition with other women. In other words, the possibility she might be rejected. This is why the sex at the beginning of the relationship is always the best you’ll get in a monogamous relationship.
As soon as the man makes the commitment, part of her attraction dies. A cat chasing a string is fascinated by the movement of the string and the fact they can’t quite catch it. Let the cat catch the string and the cat immediately gets bored and looks for something else. In the same way, by making the commitment the man destroys part of the attraction he held for the woman.
Change the game by recognizing the fact that a man can have more than one wife.
A marriage limited to one woman is called monogamy, but is better referred to as a female monopoly. Monopoly, by definition, is characterized by a lack of accountability from competitive forces. In other words, monogamy eliminates the most powerful word from a man’s vocabulary: “Next!” With no accountability, the woman has no desire to please and provide good service. What is it that Rollo is fond of saying?
Desire Cannot Be Negotiated.
The question is what motivates her desire and female competition provides an enormous amount of motivation. With only the threat of multiple wives, the (first) wife is subject to competitive pressure. If her behavior is bad enough, he could move her into the spare bedroom and take another wife. And some of you still haven’t caught on that I go by what the Bible says, so the reason for not throwing wife #1 out in order to make way for wife #2 is that behavior isn’t allowed. The commitment of the Christian man in marriage is permanent.
Polygyny is not socially accepted as a right of men, thus, anything that deviates from monogamy is considered to be an immoral violation of the idea that men and women are equal. Yet, if women are attracted enough, they willingly and publicly share a man if that is what he wants.
An easy litmus test for a man is the threesome. If a man cannot manage to get two women to have a threesome with him, he will not be capable of getting multiple women to marry him. Yet, counter-intuitively, it’s frequently easier to get two women in your bed than just one. This is a matter of maintaining frame and managing the female competition to his advantage.
Read this post on the “Cardinal Rule”, which explains polygyny in detail from the standpoint of monogamy and lack of female competition. Seriously, just read it.
A Marriage With Multiple Wives Is Better Than Monogamy
The Modern Legal Environment
Understand that polygyny will never be officially recognized in the United States (or any of the English-speaking West) under the current legal system. The reason is all the laws and doctrines concerning divorce are oriented around monogamy. Even the recognition of homosexual unions is limited to only those within the framework of monogamous unions. As soon as the court is confronted with polygyny, the first problem is polygyny is contrary to public policy which means a marriage with multiple wives cannot be recognized as being a marriage. To get a divorce there has to be a marriage or some relationship that can be deemed to be a marriage. Without that there can be no divorce and polygyny cannot be deemed to be a marriage.
In some jurisdictions the State has responded with the argument that there is no polygynous marriage but rather multiple concurrent monogamous relationships. Under this rubric, the first woman to attempt a divorce-rape becomes the “wife” and a divorce proceeds from there. The other woman or women are left with the official status of girlfriends (mistresses) and get nothing. The strategy is called “divide and conquer” and with a marriage with multiple income streams and significant assets the first woman to betray all the others wins.
The key assertion is each woman is in a monogamous relationship with the man. The hallmark of monogamy is the women do not share their man. The strategy is to absolve the woman of any blame (she becomes the legitimate victim, all the other women are victims to a lesser extent) and throw everything on the man. This argument rests on a the idea that if all conjugal acts with each woman are strictly one-on-one, then they are separate monogamous relationships.
This argument results from situations in which a man is married and later wants another wife. He manages to achieve that, but leaves the two women in separate housing or within the same house, in separate bedrooms. At some point one of the women (usually the first wife) decides she’s had enough and takes it to the court.
The solution for this is simple and has benefits for the marriage:
Continue As You Begin. If a man decides to have a monogamous marriage, he should continue his monogamous marriage because that is what the wife signed up for. If he wants a poly marriage he should round up his collection of women first and they should all agree they are entering a polygynous marriage. If the man is already married and decides he wants another wife, he should legally divorce and separate for 6 months to a year. At the end of that period of time he should enter into a new marriage with all the women at once. If wife #1 isn’t willing to do that, she should not be part of it (this is quite complicated and deserves its own post), but the rule is to continue as you began.
Use a written contract of marriage. The contract functions as the private law that controls the marriage. The real benefit of the contract is full disclosure to all parties. The contract establishes by unanimous consent that the marriage with all wives began at the same time with their complete understanding, proving the marriage is a polygynous marriage with multiple wives rather than a group of concurrent monogamous relationships.
The entire family living under the same roof. This is important in dealing with the “separate concurrent monogamous relationships” argument because women in monogamous relationships don’t share. Having the entire family under one roof in the same residence eliminates this issue because they are held out to the public as maintaining a polygynous marriage. This arrangement also forces the wives to deal with each other and develop relationships between themselves.
Husband and wives all share the same bedroom and bed. Given that homosexual unions are now granted the same status as heterosexual unions, this brings the “conjugal relations” portion of the definition of marriage front and center. The question is not “who is married to whom” but rather “who is NOT married to whom?” Arguably everyone in the bed has a conjugal relationship with everyone else so not only is each wife married to the husband but by the same token they are married to each other. No person is any more or less married to everyone else by any definition one wishes.
All wives are “mom” to all children. This is far more important in terms of family harmony than anything else because it forestalls conflict between mothers. It’s also very beneficial for the children because it’s easier for a woman to be 100% consistent with another woman’s child than it is with her own child. However, in the event one of the wives wanted out, giving her custody of her children be to separate siblings, but leaving all the children together means they stay with their Dad and the remaining wife/wives they already know and accept as “mom”. That is clearly more in the best interests of the child than allowing the child to be raised by a single mother. Should the father receive custody of the child, the mother would be required to pay child support (another disincentive to the idea of leaving).
Why Does It Work?
The very first point about a polygynous marriage is the women are the ones who must consent to it and women will only consent to such an arrangement with a high-value man. This is not the form of marriage available to “average” men and certainly not to sub-standard men. Second, the structure of a polygynous marriage places the incentives on staying in the relationship while leaving the relationship is penalized.
In behavioral terms, good behavior is rewarded and bad behavior is penalized, which is also the opposite of monogamous marriage. The structure forces the husband to manage relationships and remain aloof, which makes him more dominant and thus more attractive. The wives compete for their husband’s attention by giving their husband what he wants. Bad behavior results in a lack of attention as the husband ignores them in favor of another wife.
Polygyny takes advantage of hypergamy, female competition and women’s herd instincts. The wives need for masculine dominance and leadership is satisfied by their husband. Some of their needs for comfort are satisfied by their husband, but many of their emotional needs can be satisfied by the other wives. It is an observable fact that women’s emotional needs are best met by other women and in a poly marriage the women have relationships with their fellow wives. In other words, they have their own “herd” within the marriage and are stronger for it.
Women compete. No matter how much they love each other and get along, they still compete for their man’s attention. The only way they can compete is by giving him what he wants. Sweetness, loyalty, attractiveness, submissiveness, femininity and sexual availability to name the big ones. One aspect of polygyny is the husband will not be subjected to sexual starvation and the sex he gets will be better than he would ever get in a monogamous relationship. Yes, variety is available, but women compete and that comes through in terms of quality, especially when they are all in bed together.
A man who has maximized his potential and is high value should be able to arrange such a marriage if he desires it. However, it is the women who decide whether they are willing to share and if the man is not sufficiently high-value they will refuse. This is why very few men have had more than one wife.
One will regularly hear the advice of “Spin Plates”. Meaning, maintain multiple concurrent sexual relationships. And, it’s possible for a Christian man to do this without being in sin, but only because women of this generation are so screwed up. There are things he has to do but it’s possible. A man who is high value and can spin plates can spin himself together a solid marriage to multiple women and have children in the safest possible structure given this legal environment.
Women crave the dominance of a high-value masculine and dominant man. They desire boundaries and want to be told what to do… as long as it’s the right man in charge. Read the Biblical Marriage post and consider the rules for marriage from the Bible. It’s all about maintaining frame and God provided the frame for marriage.
Verdict On MGTOW
The MGTOW (like most people) do not understand marriage or the problems that are caused by doing things contrary to God’s commands. In leaving God out of the equation they cannot comprehend the problem and thus cannot fathom the solutions. This is extremely difficult for people to accept because there is no data. The lack of data results from women’s self-reported data and the fact no-one understands that a woman is married to the man who takes her virginity.
A wise man should recognize the reality of modern life and adjust himself accordingly. However, the vast majority of men will not do the work necessary to become high value. They refuse to adjust to the new paradigm, which means it’s easier for those men who choose to do so.
Polygynous marriage is available to those who are truly high-value. Such an arrangement is more stable and offers more benefits than any monogamous marriage. To claim that marriage is no longer a viable option is a lie because solutions exist. The solutions begin with understanding what marriage is and how it begins.
Just a question though….because you believe that most “marriages” today are not true marriages because hardly any woman was a virgin when they entered into it, is your solution then to tell everyone who is in a committed relationship/marriage to go and get a divorce?